Click Here to Unsubscribe from Scroll Culture


I’m here to officially unsubscribe from Scroll Culture.

Please direct me to the obvious red button to deactivate the function that glides my robotic thumb across the glass screen.

Upward. Downwards. Up, down, up, down. Slow for a second. Speed up. Float.

I want to unsubscribe from Scroll Culture, which has trained my mind to enjoy photographs of newborns and news of once-in-a-lifetime accomplishments for no more than 1.2 seconds.

Unsubscribe me from this machine that has trained me not to digest information. I merely partially chew it — and proceed to spit it up onto a brown scratchy napkin.

Scroll Culture — comprised of zeros and ones and built by people who think in terms of % and $ — has somehow turned me into a machine. What about that.

Unsubscribe me. And please don’t tell me it will take 5 business days for my request to go through.